Parenting is not at all easy. The important, yet the most difficult part of parenting is communicating with your child effectively. All kids absorb everything, exactly the way you say or explain to them. So, communicating effectively is important as this goes a long way, helping them build their personality.
As a parent, we always have so many things on our plate. And while we constantly try to juggle between everything, there might be times, we end up reacting to our child. With all certainty, it is also possible, that we may also speak out unintentional words. Unfortunately, a kid’s young brain isn’t developed to that level that they may be able to differentiate between the reality or unintentional words.
But let’s not worry. We have all been through this, isn’t it?
I also met a lot of moms online where they shared their stories. And most of them had something similar to share. So, all gathered together- one thing is absolutely true and clear, that we have to really careful and monitor ourselves, our words and actions. What we speak to them or somebody else for that matter in front of them. Which is easier said than done. But with a little bit of effort and strong will, we can make a better of us and minimize the mishaps. So here I am listing a few things you should always try to refrain saying it to your child.
10 things to refrain from saying to your child.
‘You are such a bad boy/girl’
Never feed the kid with negative thoughts, it does kill his/her self-esteem. A child is innocent and believes in goodness. Always tell him/her to be good, happy, and positive. In fact, try to give a positive comment like “you are the best/cutest child in the world”. Chances are that they would try their best to not let you down again.
‘Why can’t you be like xyz?’
Never compare your kid with anyone, not even their siblings. It makes them jealous and chances are that they might feel left out. It may also drive the feeling of failure in your child and develop competition/dislike between siblings.
A straight ‘NO’ as an answer
A straight ‘no’ may be too harsh for your little one. If a child hears ‘no’ all the time, they may rebel or lose confidence and faith. If you don’t approve of any of your child’s action, try giving options. For example, instead of saying “No shouting,” try saying “Talk softly, please.”
‘No, You can’t do this’
There will be times when children want to do something that you know that they won’t be able to do that. But saying such a statement may harm his self-confidence. Give him a chance as long as it doesn’t harm him.
When my son tries to lift a heavy chair, instead of ‘you can’t do it,’ I tell him that ‘try if you can do it, or I will help you,’ or ‘This might hurt you, So let me do it for you.’ The best alternative, however, could be ‘Let’s do it together!’
‘You, don’t talk to me now’
Never ever ban the channel of communication, between you and your child. Never ask your kid to stop talking or arguing. Let them ask a question, share their opinion freely. Rather you, talk to them if you want them to stick to your point of advice. Telling them what they should do and why is important.
We should rather convince them with our words, tone, and expressions. Also, keep talking and listening till they buy your point.
‘Girls/Boys never do such things’
A child is a child, obviously.. so let be him/her. Don’t try to create some gender-biased rules. Let him decide for himself, his or her choices or toys, colours or anything else. Don’t pull them or stop them from exploring things they may be curious to know or good at.
‘Please, leave me alone!’
You must know that YOU are everything to your child. Never say that you will leave him/her alone, or ever demand to be left alone. Also, avoid things that may hurt him to an extent that he or she feel not loved or not wanted.
‘Let your Daddy come and I will tell him…’
This is also a common mistake by us moms. It instils an anxiety and fear in your child, especially of the person who you’re going to tell about whatever just happened. This also shows you’re incapable of handling your child or the issue. So, don’t make it an everyday threat. There are things that your child may do unintentionally, or irresponsibly which you may want to tell your spouse. In that case, ask your child, “Do you want to tell dad, or should I explain it to him and give the reason?” Let the child take ownership of his/her mistakes and actions, but do so respectfully.
‘No one wants a Child like you’
A child is a reflection of the parents. If the child becomes problematic, it’s us who has directly indirectly taught him that, He or she has learnt everything from his/her parents, family, friends, and surroundings. So if you think your child isn’t behaving properly. Remember, he/she didn’t choose to be in the world that surrounds. You chose that world!
‘Hey! You are too big to do this!’
Don’t deprive your child of childhood. They will grow up, what’s the hurry? Instead, have fun and be like them. See if it makes them more comfortable and happy.
So when my little one wants to jump on the bed just because he wants, what do I do? I too start jumping, and then we slowly hug and stop jumping. It is just awesome to see him happier!
As a parent, isn’t it, our responsibility to make our children happy, positive, secure, and confident to face the world.
What other things do you think as a parent we should never say to a child? Do share them in the comments below.